Experts say time-outs can prove to be damaging in the long run. Here’s an excellent and new alternative to time-out, Time-in! According to parenting experts, it’s time to modernize the decades-old practice of disciplining children.
Experts believe that the “time-out” approach to disciplining children dates back to 1969 when psychologists in the United States advocated it as an alternative to more harsh methods.
When children display “desirable” behavior, adults pay attention to them. You should withhold this kind of attention if they are misbehaving. The punishment for “inappropriate” behavior should be a time-out or social isolation.
In the years that followed, parents worldwide began using time-out as a punishment method known as the “naughty step.”
On the other hand, the isolation strategy has been deemed hazardous to a child’s emotional development by several parenting experts. Instead, they’re proposing “time-in” and ‘time-off’ alternatives.
There’s a downside to time-outs
Parenting has undergone a paradigm shift. “Do it because I said so!” and “Children are to be seen, not heard” were famous sayings in the past. Because of their terror, children were obedient to their parents’ commands. Thankfully, parents are becoming more alert and conscious of their children’s needs.
Parents and experts alike are questioning, “What is the child learning from it?” regarding time-outs. Unfortunately, the answer is not very much. Children are more prone to sulk in their anger rather than engage in constructive self-reflection during a time-out, which is the purpose of the punishment.
It’s also impossible for children’s brains to handle that kind of thinking at this stage in their development. Children’s ability to think abstractly is not developed until they are adults. The prefrontal cortex, the brain region that doesn’t fully develop until puberty, is involved in emotional modulation and regulation.
However, requiring youngsters to spend time alone may have negative consequences down the road. It can exacerbate anxiety in children, especially those already vulnerable to it.
Do You Have Any Time-In?
Because time-out does not educate children to recognize and modify their conduct and may injure them psychologically, the answer is a 180: a “time-in,” which promotes connection rather than isolation. According to research, children who have a strong bond with their parents are more likely to heed their advice.
To use the time-in approach effectively, parents should first take a few deep breaths to calm themselves down. Once the youngster has been moved to a neutral area, such as the couch or the dining room table, the next step is to reassure them.
There are many reasons children act out, and parents must understand the root cause of their child’s behavior.
Ask, “What’s the real problem here?” after determining that the youngster expresses anger or dissatisfaction. Open up the possibility of a fruitful discussion.
Children need to express their feelings, work through them, and then let them out healthy, which may include sobbing. They must explain why their actions were wrong and, if necessary, what they can do to make amends.
As a result, even toddlers, whose meltdowns stem from being overwhelmed and not yet able to verbalize their feelings, benefit from the practice of time-in, a good alternative to time-out. You’re teaching them how to settle down in the first phases.
Try Taking a Break for a While
Parents and children both benefit from the concept of “time off.” Begin by showing your children how it should be done. This is how it appears: An exhausted parent may declare, “Well, Mom/Dad will take some time off. I’m feeling a bit irritated, and I’m afraid I will say things that aren’t very nice. It is time to take a short break.”
When children see it in action, they may be able to take a break of their own during a heated debate.
You can also practice self-regulation techniques like painting, cuddling with a stuffed animal, listening to music, or creating things out of legos during this time for children. Then, with the help of a youngster, you can genuinely build a nearby time-off area.
Even though this method appears to be a time-out on the surface, providing a youngster the option to take a break makes all the difference.
When we try to control our children’s behavior, they push back. For example, if you’re allowing kids to make their own decisions and take responsibility for their own emotions, you’re also modeling it for them.
What Children Learn Through Time-In/Time-Out
When we’re parents, we want to make sure our children are happy, not angry, and safe. It’s perfectly acceptable for children to express their feelings—their energy in motion—in a healthy way.
Let that allow the emotions to flow freely through them and out, rather than having them be stifled and eventually leaking out. Allow them to feel and share their thoughts and emotions.
In the long run, choosing between time-in or time-off over time-out will lead to a lifetime of learning and emotional growth; what a wonderful gift for parents to allow their children to feel their emotions and learn how to deal with them.
Time-in is a really good alternative to time-out that you can start utilizing right away.
Articles you might like: Raising a Resilient Child, How to Prevent Your Children from Developing the Same Biases as You Do, How to Use Positive Discipline?