My Son’s Girlfriend Isn’t Allowed to Date; What Do I Do About It?
What happens when two sets of parental norms on “dating” collide?
What a dreadful situation you’re in! Depending on their own perspective, other parents are likely to have a wide range of reactions and thoughts about this circumstance. How many of us have made fun of the fact that our children can’t begin dating till they’re 30 years old? Although this isn’t true, it suggests a widespread unease about our “kids” entering the adult dating world.
As is customary, there isn’t just one right response. It’s hard to tell how these two “lovers” are actually “dating,” from the most innocent to the most “intense.” This has repercussions on the following level, which is lying vs. honesty, which cascades into the connection between parents and children.
Dating is defined, and then you can act on it.
Defining “dating” is the first step in this discussion. In elementary school, I’ve seen youngsters use this term to describe awkward hand-holding at school and a lot of attention from their friends about the “boyfriend-girlfriend” duo. It does not allow for any alone time. Not even the school grounds have been left untouched. This “dating” is only an idea that younger kids are playing around with, and they don’t completely grasp what they are doing. Due to the short-term nature of these interactions, no special measures are necessary. This appeals to me since it eliminates the need for me to get involved.
Nevertheless, if the “dating” entails exchanging long love letters via text message or going on genuine dates and spending a lot of one-on-one time with each other, I may have to intervene.” A psychologist knows that concealment in families doesn’t end well, and both of these cases are more complex. A mother can’t infringe on another parent’s regulations to this extent as a parent. It also affects the happiness of my son, which would make my life a complete mess!
To help you out in this perilous situation, here are some suggestions:
Become aware of the reasons why dating has been deemed “illegal.”
The fact that your son confides in you enough to tell you that his sweetheart isn’t permitted to date is a significant plus in this situation. This vital line of communication can be kept open by asking more questions and listening without jumping to conclusions.
What exactly do her parents mean when they say “no dating”? Is this rule in place for a cultural reason? He wants to know how his girlfriend’s parents are reacting to this news. For breaking the “no dating” policy, are there more severe consequences like being sent away to a private school or being grounded?
Be a mentor to others.
In order to best guide your son and girlfriend, it’s important to gather all of this information. In this case, trust and deception are at stake. It’s critical that you demonstrate to your son that lying and sneaking around don’t serve him well. Both their relationship and that of the girl to her parents would suffer as a result of the situation.
Following my knowledge of why her family has this rule, I would talk to my son about it and encourage him to be honest with his girlfriend’s parents. In order to avoid damaging the trust in my own family, I will not approach her parents directly without first talking to my son.
My son’s girlfriend would be included in the conversation only if these chats with my son didn’t lead to their coming straight with her parents. For the sake of her parents’ authority, I would wait to speak with her and encourage the ideal scenario of direct communication between the girl and her parents with minimal intervention.
I would have to tell my son and his girlfriend that if she couldn’t talk to her parents herself, I would have to be honest with them. To prepare myself for the possibility of my son’s grief if their connection was ended, I would remember that pain is a normal part of the development process.
The situation can be reversed.
If it came to this, I’d ask myself: What if another parent kept this hidden from me? As much as I’d look for every opportunity to solve the matter without alerting the parents directly,
Although we may strongly disagree with some of the methods used by other parents, it is not our place to make judgments about what is best for other families. Throughout our preteen and adolescent years, we’ll likely explain to our children that they have the right to make their own rules and that we have the right to follow our own. We don’t want other parents to add to the difficulty of raising our own children.
My stomach ached just thinking about this question, so I wish you the best of luck in real life!