PEOPLE-PLEASING AND BULLYING: WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT
Most parents instill in their children the virtues of cooperation, cooperation, and compromise. This desire for peaceful relationships can, however, turn into something unhealthy.
Most often, kids who are too compliant and flexible, especially if they do so at the expense of their own desires or needs, have succumbed to the temptation to please others. Although it may seem obvious, people pleasers are a common target for bullies.
People-pleasers attract mean, controlling, or demanding people.
What Is Wrong With People Pleasing?
A depleting activity, gratifying others at the expense of one’s own needs, is pleasing no one. People are more prone to participate in people-pleasing actions that are harmful to both themselves and others if they feel they will benefit others.
People-pleasing tends to make kids more vulnerable to peer pressure since they are trying so hard to fit in that they are willing to compromise their own values and views in the process. When kids are part of a clique, this vulnerability is even more pronounced.
People-pleasers are often the group’s adherents, since they desire to fit in and avoid being shunned by their peers. They don’t comprehend that giving in to the demands of a bully is a short-term solution. Bullies and cliques tend to get more demanding as time goes on.
People-pleasing Telltale Signs:
People pleasing can be difficult to spot in children, especially if you aren’t present for all of their social interactions. You should therefore be aware of your child’s acts that show people-pleasing or even signal that this pattern of behavior is susceptible. Here are indicators your child likes to please others.
- Instead of being genuine and true to themselves, they act like their pals.
- When they have done nothing wrong, they apologize to their friends and family members for their actions.
- Does not distinguish between healthy and unhealthy boundaries.
- Struggles mightily to stay out of trouble.
- When others are offended or furious with them, they feel a sense of dread.
- Expresses a sense of helplessness due to the sheer volume of work ahead of them.
- Incapable of standing up for one’s own principles.
- Concerned about others’ feelings.
- Rather than standing up for one’s own beliefs, they conform to the group.
- Misunderstands kindness as the act of pleasing others.
- Feeling good about one’s self requires the affirmation of close friends.
- Refrains from expressing or acknowledging anger or hurt feelings.
- Even when it’s to their best advantage, they refuse to say no.
- Wants to be accepted and appreciated by their peers with all of their hearts.
What You Can Do to Keep Others from Pleasing People:
If you catch your youngster people-pleasing, you can prevent a lifelong pattern. Here are five methods to assist your child handle peer pressure.
Compliment Your Teen
The validation that comes from being polite or doing additional chores around the house can lead some kids to become people pleasers. Don’t let your child’s self-sacrifice be the only way he or she receives recognition and reinforcement; give them other ways to shine.
Be Able to Distinguish Kindness from Pleasing
Help your children understand the difference between doing good deeds out of a genuine desire to help others and doing good deeds out of a sense of obligation or pressure.
Avoiding doing things because they are afraid their friends would reject them is also something they should learn. In the long term, they will be able to make better decisions after learning the difference between displaying benevolence toward others and putting others first.
Acknowledge Negative Thoughts
Speak to your child about their feelings after doing something to please someone else. Encourage your youngster to express their thoughts and feelings. People pleasing is likely the cause of their negative emotions, such as rage, resentment, frustration, or sadness.
The habit of pleasing others is often so engrained in children that they do not even realize they are doing it. A person’s reactions to diverse scenarios may be the only clue. They must learn to identify where their feelings of irritation, anxiety, and unhappiness originate.
Many children who have difficulty saying no are afraid that others will perceive them as selfish if they begin fulfilling their own needs and expressing their preferences. Because they are so far apart from being selfish, teenagers who struggle with people-pleasing tend to be more kind than most individuals.
Remind them that those who are truly selfish don’t give a damn if they are being selfish or not.
Educate Yourself on the Importance of Good Friendships
Finding new friends may be necessary if your child’s current pals do not respect them and will not alter their manipulative or demanding behavior.
Help your youngster understand that in a healthy friendship, the wants and needs of both friends are considered, rather than just one of the friends.
Furthermore, allowing your adolescent to socialize with positive peers can go a long way toward teaching them to value their own self-worth. They’ll stop trying to please others once they’ve found folks who can actually help them instead of just making them feel good.
If your child’s people-pleasing conduct causes them stress or violates their beliefs and values, it can be difficult to see them engage in it. Look for ways to handle the problem without making your child feel horrible about themselves or like they have failed in some way.
To impress their friends and their parents, most likely, your youngster will also want to please you. At home, give your children the opportunity to vent their concerns. With time and experience, they will come to understand that setting boundaries and taking care of their own needs while also considering the sentiments of others is perfectly acceptable.