Whether your child is throwing tantrums, whining, fighting, or just plain nay-saying, in this article, you will learn discipline tips that every parent should know about.
Your child, like the majority of children, has likely honed her behavior based on what has previously worked for her. A whining voice and a splash of dramatic flair may be her way of pinpointing your weaknesses.
Many children resort to this tactic to get their way (depending on their age, language skills, and disposition, other techniques your child could embrace include tantrum-throwing, obstinateness, and constant arguing).
Things may and will change, and you’ll face a new obstacle just when you think you’ve got a handle on your kid’s M.O. of manipulation.
The most prevalent issue habits don’t imply you’re doomed for the long haul when it comes to the most pervasive issue habits. Consistency is crucial in addressing your child’s current style, whatever it may be.
He grabs your iPhone and refuses to give it back. Unless he returns the device, you tell him it will break if he does not. That isn’t going to work. When you try to assert your control over your children, they often don’t take you seriously, and they start laughing and seeming surprised.
The combination of loving acknowledgment and firm boundaries is the key to healthy cooperation. To get into his right emotional brain, repeat four or five times some honest declaration that echoes a few of his feelings. ‘Toddler-ese’ is a term I use to describe a simple, emotional language.
Because the brain’s ability to understand sophisticated language and be reasonable is shut down when they are annoyed, unhappy, or disturbed, the suggestion works even for older kids (and most adults).
During a tantrum, your child embodies frustration: In an unrecognizable howl, he throws himself on the ground, kicks his feet, and pounds his fists.
Tantrums are an unavoidable aspect of growing up with a child. To reduce the number of times this happens, avoid giving in to their demands. If you give in to your child’s requests on occasion, he will learn that the more he asks, the more he will get.
Try this method the next time your child is sobbing and writhing around on the floor: After stating your position a few times, disregard the person’s actions. It’s easier said than done, but most temper tantrums last no longer than five minutes, so it’s not impossible.
Make sure your child isn’t in the vicinity whenever you’re out in public. You and your child will both be able to breathe a sigh of relief.
Saying “No” incessantly
Make your demands as flexible as possible so that your child has a range of options, even if they aren’t genuine. What do you want her to do? What do you think? “You can choose between your blue and brown shoes. Decide one of the two you want to wear.”
After dinner, you can tell your child, “Candy is a treat, but you can have a carrot or cheese stick now,” instead of saying “no,” because you don’t want her to overeat. Even if the options are restricted, allowing her to select a snack gives her a sense of empowerment. Now that’s one solution to one of the most common discipline issues.
Whining of the Worst Sort
Kids that speak with a nasal voice, lengthen their vowels and use dramatic gestures to make their point are likely to be among the most irritating of all children.
‘I see you are truly distressed right now,’ say to your youngster as you hug them. This may appear to be praising the behavior, but it’s the opposite.
When children believe they are being heard, they are more inclined to follow your instructions. As soon as he has calmed down, say in an even tone: “I want you to talk to me in a regular voice. When you moan, I’m at a loss as to what you’re trying to convey.”
If your child doesn’t respond, tell them, “Come find me when you are ready,” and walk away. Then make sure you don’t give in.
It’s not good to use intermittent reinforcement, which involves caving in on occasion. The only thing your child will learn from this is that you’ll snap if he whines for too long.
You can start applying one or two of these useful solution to discipline issues right away.
Don’t Scream to Get them to Listen
Sometimes, the best way to get your kids to listen is to shout.
It can be challenging for many moms to get their kids out of the house. Despite your pleas, they refuse to get dressed or put their shoes on. It’s finally time to go. They run off and hide until you let out the screaming beast.
Many people don’t take your concerns about being on time seriously in haste to leave the house. A lot of things happen at the same time: You have to stop what you’re doing to make your kids wear their shirts over their heads.
It’s easy to forget that young children don’t understand what will happen if they’re late. There’s nothing terrible with reciting the same thing, but that’s not the answer either. They learn that they’re too dumb or don’t have to answer the first time.
It’s better to say it’s time for your kids to get ready once and not repeat anything. Then, say, “When you’re done, we’ll be on our way. Hope you’re ready to go.”
Do this firmly but gently if they aren’t already in the car. Next time, your kids will know you mean business if they have to go to school in their pajamas.
When your daughter knows how to push her brother’s buttons, she’s close to being a genius. There’s a full-blown fight in the car on the way to the park. In three seconds or less, your temper goes from 0 to 60, and it doesn’t take long.
Parents don’t care whose idea it was, even if they started it.
It’s almost impossible to be a referee when both kids are yelling and kicking. If you’re driving, the situation is even more dangerous.
A strong negative reaction to a tight situation with your children is like adding fuel to the fire; it only exacerbates the problem. Your first instinct might be to yell on the road, where you can’t stop and get involved.
Instead, try to be responsive rather than reactive and not get angry. It’s not safe for you to drive while your kids are fighting, so after you pull over, say something like, “It’s not safe for you to drive while your kids are fighting.” “I can’t go anywhere until you’re calm. Then I can drive again.”
Keep your cool and show your kids how they should treat each other. The lesson you’re trying to teach right now is that calm cars move, and fighting cars stop.
But the more important message isn’t just about driving. When parents respond to their kids in ways that make them feel heard and understood, their kids will understand how to treat other people exactly.
7 Mistakes Every Parent Makes in Discipline
Every parent makes mistakes when dealing with their children’s misbehavior from time to time. Disciplining kids is one of the essential parts of parenthood. Sp here are some of the 7 mistakes parents make in their approach to discipline.
Children’s actions follow a set pattern. If a child is exhausted, hungry, or irritated, it’s the responsibility of the adult to notice and respond accordingly. Many parents mistake ignoring their children’s warning signs, yet correcting these oversights can have a profound impact on the quality of one’s time as a parent. To help you avoid these typical mistakes, we consulted with experts and asked them to provide their advice on avoiding them.
1. Negative thoughts
Keep your hands off your sister! What are you doing to the dog? There is no limit when it comes to telling your toddler or pre-schooler not to do something.
Ask for what you wish to see happen. No parent wants to raise a child who doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong, but parents use the word “no” so frequently that the word loses its meaning. As a result, we often advise children not to do something without providing them with an example of what they should be doing instead.
If something is harmful (imagine a fork in an electrical socket or the spider plant being eaten by your child), don’t be afraid to tell your children how you want them to act. Instead, what if you said something like “No standing in the bathtub!” or “We sit down in the bathtub because it is slippery?” Afterward, compliment them if you see your child happily splashing around while sitting down (“I like how you’re sitting!”).
2. We Place Unreasonable Expectations on Our Children
You’re in a church with your toddler when they start screaming. They do it again as soon as you tell them to quiet down. Mortifying! What’s wrong with them?
Play the role of a teacher. Impulse control and the social graces required in public areas such as stores and restaurants remain a challenge for youngsters under two. Parents presume youngsters know more than they do.
When your child deviates from the norm, keep in mind that they’re not intentionally being a nuisance; they simply don’t know how to react in the scenario, so snapping isn’t going to help (or fair). To teach your child how you want them to act, you should softly say things like, “I am being quiet since I am in church, but if I need something from Dad, I lean in close and whisper.” Highlight what others are doing (“Look how Charlie is coloring while he waits for his meal to arrive”). Modeling or calling attention to something we want them to do goes a long way with born mimics children.
For children to become self-reliant, you should prepare to offer your child a lot of reminders—and remove them when they don’t get the message. They’ll become better with practice.
3. Exemplifying Negative Personality Traits
When something falls to the ground, the first thing you do is to scream. When a man cuts you off, you immediately yell at him and call him names. When things don’t go according to plan, you feel irritated if your child does the same.
Take a second chance and apologize. Children’s behavior might spiral out of control if we yell at them. You can’t be perfect all the time, so apologies if you do something wrong. Emotions are powerful and difficult to manage, especially for adults, but saying “sorry” shows that we take responsibility for our actions. It allows you to talk about the reasons for your reaction, which might help resolve conflicts in the future.
4. Assisting When Your Children Is Simply Angry At You
While your children are playing, you hear them scurrying about the house and immediately yell at them to stop.
As a solution, you can ignore some things and not others. Parents often urge to intervene whenever their children do something, well, childish. On the other hand, being the villain might get old after a while. Remember that children are constantly learning and developing new skills, so don’t take things too seriously when they do something annoying. Because they’re learning about liquids, your toddler may be dumping juice into their cereal. Some of the time, they’re simply trying to get your attention.
When safety isn’t a concern, you can attempt a wait-and-see approach. Try not to yell at your 6-year-old if they’re playing their recorder with their nose. Go ahead and carry on with your normal routine and see whether it has any effect. In most cases, if you keep your mouth shut, they’ll eventually settle down, and you’ll feel better for it.
5. Being a one-person show
In this case, I’m genuinely asking you to turn off the television.” For the same reason that you ignore yellow lights when driving, your children will continue to engage in harmful behavior if warnings are left ambiguous.
Setting boundaries and adhering to them is the answer. All of these methods of persuasion imply that cooperation is not required. Parents need to set clear expectations for their kids and take action when they don’t meet them. Start with reasonable commands if you want your child to get up from the couch and finish their schoolwork (“Please turn off the TV now and do your work”). Thank them if they do what they say they’ll do. Otherwise, impose a penalty: “Right now, I will switch off the television. Your TV privileges are suspended until your work is complete.
6. Inefficient use of the “Time-Out” feature
They begin slamming their skull on the floor in rage after you send them to their room for beating up their younger brother.
The Answer: Set a timer for yourself. A time-out is not meant to be a punishment but rather a chance for a child to calm down and get back to their normal routine. Some children may respond well to the idea that they go to a quiet room until they calm down. Others, on the other hand, interpret it negatively and become enraged. Furthermore, it fails to impart the desired behavior to children.
Alternatively, take a “time-in” with your child, in which you sit quietly together. Hold them till they calm down if they’re extremely agitated. After they’ve calmed down, calmly explain why the behavior wasn’t acceptable. Too enraged to offer comfort? Put yourself in a time-out and talk about what you’d like your child to do differently after you’ve calmed. When Milo tries to steal your train, you might ask, “What can you do instead of hitting?”
7. Ignoring the fact that no two children are the same.
It’s better to sit down at eye level with your son and explain why his behaviors need to change. On the other hand, she’s more abrasive and refuses to listen to you.
Developing a varied toolkit is the answer. Failure of a disciplinary technique is easy to blame your child. To acquire the desired behavior from each child, you may have to approach it uniquely. One youngster might respond to a verbal reminder of correct behavior, while the other might need a punishment for their misbehavior, like having the Wii unplugged.
It’s not inconsistent to be harsh with one child and soft-spoken with another; rather, it’s a matter of recognizing that each child has unique needs and learning styles. The crime and the perpetrator should be penalized appropriately.
Discipline in Family Meetings
Two years ago, I interviewed a Positive Discipline author as part of research for a parenting workshop at school. We had a cycle of yelling, threatening, and nagging regarding discipline, which was unproductive and exhausting everyone in the household. ‘Do you hold family gatherings?’ she inquired.
It’s not like we’re in an emergency; we don’t need to meet. I mentioned that we talk to each other over supper or in the car while driving to school.
A family gathering is a terrific way to get to the bottom of the issues when you all live in the same place.
There are several ways in which family members wield their influence in various ways. A family meeting allows each member to exercise their authority productively and courteously.
Instructions for conducting family gatherings
1. Make a Plan of Action
Get together on a day when you can all spend half an hour together. Once a day and time have been chosen, it is imperative that you meet on that day and at that time each week.
Having a specific day and time helps your children understand that this is a top priority for you and your family. Changing the date of the meeting reduces its significance and makes it less likely to become a regular occurrence.
2. Solicit Participation from Interested Parties.
When we first had a meeting, my four years old, which is an excellent age to begin because 4-year-olds are naturally curious about the world around them.
We discussed with the rest of the family that after their bedtime is preferable if you have children under the age of 4. As a result of my skepticism, we decided to wager on how long each of the children would last in the meeting.
Our phones rang while sitting in the living room, and our text messages went unanswered. We were surprised when the boys realized they had our attention, and the meeting lasted as long as a Batman episode.
3. Decide on the best methods.
Make a sandwich out of the family gathering arrangement. As a first step, have everyone in the family say something kind about the other family members.
At first, it may seem ridiculous, but as time goes on, you’ll look forward to hearing what everyone has to say. As soon as everyone feels good, move on to one or two more challenging situations that demand you and your children to work together to solve a problem.
Sprinkle in some housekeeping themes, such as daily routines and meal planning, to round out the discussion. You may top it off with something fun, like a game of tag or an ice-cream run, or both.
Your meeting can run more smoothly if you have traditions that you follow.
Elementary-school students were summoned to my office for fighting, yelling at their teachers, writing cruel messages to each other and instructors, and peeing in a garbage can when I was their principal.
Kids knew I was the last in line, and they showed up at my door terrified, so I didn’t have to scare them.
When things were going well or terribly, I learned how to help the children and their teachers feel better. In addition, because my girls went to the same school where I worked, I drew on that experience as well.
The way schools handle discipline also became a source of frustration and concern for many of my fellow parents. So what I’d like parents and guardians to know is that I’ve spent the last five years on both sides of the principal’s desk.
You need to be aware of how your school operates.
Authoritative: clear and forceful, with only required rules and support for children’s feelings, is one of the most effective disciplinary tactics. According to research, both moderate and immediate consequences are the most effective for teaching youngsters as a reward for good behavior.
The sooner you understand your school’s discipline policies, the better off you’ll be. When a student breaks a rule, parents need to know that the school’s disciplinary procedure will be enforced, no matter who is responsible.
Ask if you don’t hear anything about the school’s disciplinary policies, which are usually available online or on a back-to-school evening in the autumn. The following are the approaches most schools take in school discipline:
Discipline that is assertive using a “discipline ladder” of three to six negative consequences for transgressions, the instructor rewards students for good behavior with things like museum tickets or marbles so that they can build up their prizes over time.
There are established routines and expectations that teachers communicate to students in various sectors of the school (classrooms, bathrooms, the lunchroom, buses). This is a habit that children learn and the consistent punishments teachers administer for minor offenses.
When a school year starts, teachers help students work together to develop classroom rules in the adaptive school environment. Raising hands and holding doors are only two examples of anticipated actions that can be reinforced by modeling for children.
An appropriate punishment should be tailored to both the crime and your child’s age.
Be a part of the school’s team.
In order to help your child’s interaction with their instructors, you might explain that school rules must be respected, even if your own norms differ from those in the home. When parents question a teacher’s authority, young children are left feeling bewildered.
Changes at home should be reported to the school.
Staff can better comprehend your child’s actions if you do this. One kindergarten came in pushing, hitting, and swearing in the classroom. It was an eye-opening event. The teacher eventually summoned the boy’s parents. They were enraged—at their son, at the school, at the principal, and at life in general.
But because of the teacher’s assurances, they were able to relax and tell her that their son was not just brilliant but also compassionate, which they described as a joy for their twin daughters and their ailing grandma, who had advanced breast cancer. After the encounter, I saw their lives, and they realized that I believed in their son. It achieved its goal.
The child was able to master new abilities. Still, it took several weeks of intervention and additional trips to the principal’s office. His teachers look up to him now, and he’s constantly there to support his peers. He’s a leader in the making.
As a school principal and a parent, I am delighted when I see an accomplishment based on mutual trust and serving the students.
Saying the Worst and the Best Thing
Instead of saying, “How could you allow this to happen?” to the teacher, say, “Let me know more about what happened, please.”
To the Head of School: Don’t say something like, “You’ve harmed my child unnecessarily.” Try this instead: “Let’s get together to discuss ways to avoid this in the future.”
To the Head of School (when your child has been wronged) As an alternative to: “How did you deal with the other child?” Try this: “Please describe how the school handles such cases.”
For the Benefit of Your Youngster, instead of: “Your teacher was wrong to blame you in that manner.” Have a go at: “Everyone has to help each other out. Trust me. I’m counting on you.”
Meaningful articles you might like: How to Help Kids with Stress-Induced Illnesses, Effects of Peer Pressure on Kids: Impact on Bullying, Encouraging Healthy Eating Habits in Children