Once upon a time, your child sought your approval and guidance, but now that they are a teenager, they are more likely to roll their eyes at you than smile at you. By employing effective positive parenting techniques for teens, you can navigate this transitional phase. How did things shift so rapidly, and how can you maintain discipline without making every interaction a struggle for control?
Preserve your optimism. Finding an effective and family-friendly method of disciplining your adolescent child can be challenging. If you want to parent a growing and developing child effectively, you’ll need to adapt your methods accordingly. Positive parenting is the foundation on which you can build these strategies, and it will lead you to success.
To better understand your adolescent’s behavior, it helps to remember that teenagers are hardwired to question authority and test limits as they try to find their own unique sense of self. Both teenagers and their parents benefit from strict parenting. Staying involved and keeping the lines of Communication open is crucial, even though it can be exhausting and frightening to see your child pull away and take risks. Sincere Communication is one of the most useful parenting tools.
Your little one has been practicing the art of persuasion since she was a youngster. By the time they’re teenagers, some kids may even consider themselves expert negotiators. Keeping up a system of positive and effective discipline requires constant, level-headed Communication.
Good Communication = Positive Parenting
It can feel like endless lectures about rules and responsibility have replaced playtime and bonding as your children mature into young adults. Teens and their parents both agree that adults rarely pay attention to what their kids have to say. Due to the hectic nature of our daily schedules, we frequently attempt to cram in conversations during travel time or during TV commercials.
When things are going smoothly, and you don’t want to upset the status quo, it can be challenging to carve out time for deep discussions. However, if you’re serious about communicating with your teen, you should set aside some time and a quiet place to do so. The more involved your adolescent becomes in what you’re discussing, the more you should step away from other tasks to give her your undivided attention. Put down the gadgets, turn off the screens, and really listen to one another.
If you want to have a more fruitful dialogue with your adolescent, consider the following constructive advice:
Keep your cool and your wits about you.
Stay out of power dynamics. Refrain from getting into a debate about the rule’s validity. Put your attention on the fact that it was damaged. One of the most important aspects of disciplining a teen is remaining consistent and insisting that she adheres to the family’s rules.
Maintain your relationships through attentive listening.
Your child may need a few minutes to get to the point, but you shouldn’t force her. Open-ended questions like “Can you tell me more about that?” or “How did that make you feel?” are great ways to get more information or make her feel more comfortable opening up to you when you’re not sure what she’s trying to tell you.
Don’t try to solve the problem or give a lecture.
To put it mildly, this is a challenge. Positive parenting, in our view, includes doing what you can to ease your children’s distress. On the other hand, teens are trying to find their own answers and may interpret your suggestions as a sign that you think they can’t help themselves. Instead of giving advice, it’s better to ask, “What do you think?” or “How could you handle it next time?” pay close attention to what they have to say. You’re showing her you respect her opinion and problem-solving skills by giving her the freedom to implement her ideas.
Don’t pass judgment on her as you listen; try to relate to her feelings. It’s human nature to want to help a student who complains about a teacher by telling her to work on her interpersonal skills or by inquiring as to what she did wrong to provoke such a reaction. If you want to parent in a way that helps your child flourish, try imagining yourself in a work conflict and realizing that you’d rather have someone listen to you than offer advice. The act of validating her emotions and showing empathy is a powerful form of positive parenting. Find out if she wants your advice before you give it to her.
These guidelines are useful for regular conversations, but they become indispensable in times of conflict. Building a strong relationship with your adolescent and facilitating discipline through conversation that is both calm and connected is a win-win.
Defiance and Risk-Taking
Adolescence is a time of exploration and experimentation, full of both success and failure. Teens frequently fight because they defy parental authority and try new things. When arguments arise—and they will—parents need strategies for disciplining their teens.
Almost every adolescent will say or do something that seems defiant to their parents at some point. Examples of “rebellious” behavior include wearing offensive clothing or sporting unpopular hairstyles, friends, or hobbies. Teens value their friendships more than their parental relationships, so it stands to reason that they would care more about their peers’ approval than their parents. This is true even more so for 13- and 14-year-olds who yearn for independence. Eye-rolling and “whatevers” are commonplace among people of this age. “Certainly, there’s no reason why not. If everyone else is doing it, why shouldn’t we?”
Teens can be defiant at times; how you respond to this behavior will set the tone for the rest of your relationship. Keeping your cool when your teen acts out is a good parenting technique. If she shows up with purple hair, think twice before getting into an argument. Even if it isn’t her favorite shade, she’s probably safe from any harm caused by this garment. Even if you know you can’t just ignore someone’s behavior, keeping your cool is always the best option. If your teen continues to defy your requests for appropriate attire before leaving the house, you must remain firm in your discipline.
Remember that she is on her own journey and that her choices are not a reflection of you. She might not even realize she is defying you when she chooses to hang out with people whose tastes she knows you don’t share. A lot of the time, teenagers say things that might shock or anger their parents, but they really just want to express their opinions. Keeping that in mind can help you make better decisions when it comes to disciplining your teen. Giving in is acceptable as long as your child’s safety is not in jeopardy. Don’t waste your strength on a minor issue; reserve it for something more significant.
Taking chances is a natural part of maturing as well. However, taking chances can be nerve-wracking, so firm but supportive parenting is essential. There may be long-term effects from engaging in risky sexual behaviors, unsafe driving, or experimenting with tobacco, drugs, or alcohol. Teens should know that their risks could have permanent, devastating consequences. Keeping in touch with your teen to find out what she is up to and who she is hanging out with is a great way to keep an eye on their activities and prevent any misbehavior.
Explore activities like rock climbing, skateboarding, making art or music, or going on day trips with friends that encourage healthy risk-taking. She will feel less pressure to engage in risky behavior if you give her more chances for exploration and autonomy.
How to Keep the Peace in Your Home with These 4 Effective Discipline Techniques
A lot of fights arise from mundane things like bedtimes, social circles, academics, and peer pressure. Using the following strategies for effective parenting, you can reduce arguments with your adolescent and make your home a happier place for everyone.
1. Make sure to bargain before anything happens.
You and your teen have likely already discussed the potential sources of conflict, such as your teen’s failure to check in with you after spending time with her friends. Use constructive discipline by having an in-depth discussion with your adolescent when both are cool and collected. An example of what you could say is: “Knowing where you are right now is crucial for me. Let’s figure out how you’ll be able to report in on time and what will happen if I don’t hear from you.
Tell me what makes sense, in your opinion.” By taking this approach, you show your teen that you are interested in what she has to say and are willing to listen to her ideas. According to psychology studies, teens who participate in decision-making are more responsible and cooperative. Keep in mind that the future is where your teen’s focus should be at all times if you want to be effective in their discipline. Do not bring up the adolescent’s past transgressions at this time.
2. Give people a set of rules to follow and results to expect.
The onus is to lay down the law and ensure your adolescent follows it. Stay true to your word and the guidelines you’ve established. Determine appropriate punishments for the offense. For instance, a 16-year-old who stays out for two hours past curfew could face home detention for two weeks. In addition to being an unrealistic punishment, giving her a month-long suspension would send the wrong message. If a 16-year-old student fails to submit an important paper for class, they will receive a failing grade.
Using positive discipline, you could express your understanding of the awful repercussions and offer to meet with her whenever she’d like to discuss how to avoid them in the future. Don’t give in to the temptation to stop showing affection. You can have firm rules and still love your child very much. You can help your child learn from her mistakes by keeping the lines of communication open.
3. Don’t be shy about giving compliments.
Seek out ways to show your appreciation for your teen. Compliment her on how she looks or how she dealt with a challenging situation. Positive affirmation in the form of “I like your…” or “I’m impressed with how you…” can do wonders for her self-esteem and strengthen her bond. Despite how tempting it may be, refrain from “caboosing” or adding a negative statement at the end of a laudatory statement. Avoid saying things like the following: “Thank you for making it home from school on time. I don’t understand why you can’t do that daily.”
4. Set a good example.
Your teen is watching you closely, even if you don’t think they are. If you want your teen to learn something from you, the best way is to set an example by doing it yourself. If you promise to do something, do your best to follow through. Always listen to your child out of respect for their feelings and thoughts. Talk about the tough stuff and figure out how to fix things with your friends and neighbors in an atmosphere of mutual respect. Because we are all fallible, one of the best ways to raise responsible children is to admit fault and make amends when necessary.
Self-Care Advice for Parents
In the face of adversity, positive parenting reminds you to keep your head held high. When your adolescent acts out with rude words or gestures, try to remind yourself that it’s not personal. Adolescents are highly susceptible to experiencing extreme levels of frustration when things don’t go their way because of the heightened sensitivity they experience at this time. They are still learning how to navigate new environments and situations, so they need your constant support and direction.
Parenting a teenager presents its own unique challenges and rewards. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, so it’s okay to forgive yourself if your attempt at disciplining your teen backfires. Keep in mind that you and your teen are both making sacrifices during this time.