How Can I Help My Daughter Understand That Other Families Raise Their Children Differently

The vast diversity of parenting approaches significantly transcends the confined set of categories and descriptors we often utilize in today’s culture. It’s not as straightforward as we might wish to classify ourselves, despite the plethora of somewhat pointless yet incredibly popular online quizzes. Amid this complexity, one essential task that emerges for us as parents is to help your daughter see other families raise their kids differently. This understanding can widen her perspectives, promoting tolerance and acceptance of varying parental styles.

The more nuanced truth is that how we parent reflects who we are and who we want our children to become adults. Although we know intellectually that our children are unique individuals, we can’t help but believe that they are also walking representations of the quality of our parenting.

This internal conflict is challenging on its own, but when combined with the external forces you describe, it can cause us to question our own judgment and resolve. Although authoritative parenting has been shown to be the most beneficial in studies spanning decades, many conflicting messages exist about what constitutes “good parenting.” There may be thousands of parenting “experts” and “guides,” but no magic bullet works for every family.

What’s the Deal with Your Fashion?

My wife and I are the types of individuals that thrive under order and routine. Therefore, our family places a high importance on these things. It’s just a different way of doing things, but I know plenty of families who operate with a lot less structure than we do, and everyone appears to be doing OK.

Because of habit, we may fail to see that our ideals motivate our actions. Consider the principles you hope to instill in your daughter and whether or not your parenting style reflects those ideals. Considering this may strengthen your commitment to maintaining a style distinct from that of your daughters’ friends, or it may open your eyes to chances to alter some habits while remaining true to your ideals.

Put an End to the Analogies

You may be worried that your daughter’s self-esteem will suffer if she sees other children her age enjoying greater freedom and fewer restrictions. Children excel at making comparisons as a natural aspect of their social development. It’s natural for kids, especially primary school-aged kids, to desire to fit in as they get older and become more aware of similarities and differences. Every parent I know has heard their child say, “Someone else’s parents are better than mine,” at some point.

Your daughter may wonder why other parents aren’t as strict as her own, in which case you can explain that every family has its own set of rules and its own set of options when it comes to parenting children. The rules you’ve set up for your household reflect your priorities as a parent and the values you hold dear.

In response to my children’s complaints that I am “so strict” about what they are allowed to watch on television and why we do not allow most forms of social media, I tell them that their father and I have taken these decisions in order to shield them from inappropriate material. My children often feel left out since our family has different standards than their friends’ families. My daughter, now in fourth grade, thanked me off-guard for all the rules we had in place.

When the Disagreements Come From Within

You didn’t name your spouse, but it’s very unusual for co-parents (whether married or not) to have different parenting techniques. This can make things quite challenging! It is recommended to address these distinctions as soon as they are noticed. A child’s environment becomes less predictable when parents take different approaches, and the youngster quickly learns to use these differences for his or her own benefit, making her work more challenging. Partners who disagree on how to raise their children should sit down and talk about the reasons behind their parenting choices, identify areas of agreement, and work toward a mutually agreeable solution.

Maintain a Flowing Perspective

However, as parents, we’ve understood that adaptability is essential for success. Most parenting decisions can and should be analyzed for their consistency with or deviation from core beliefs. My initial reaction to my daughter’s requests to download TikTok was an emphatic no. However, we listened to her concerns and reached a compromise by giving her access to a severely restricted version of TikTok that she could only access using her birthday and the app’s parental settings. We were able to have frank discussions about online safety as a result.

When we talk about flexibility, we mean keeping your ideas about raising your child and being open to other ideas that might work better for your child in a given setting. Think about whether there are times when your daughter would be better off if you were less strict about your rules. Yes, I agree with you that children should not be allowed to run around in restaurants. But maybe there are other places and times when you can relax, even if it’s just a little bit, without letting go of your ideals and beliefs.


Parents can provide an example of accepting and celebrating diversity for their children. Your daughter may not always agree with you, but seeing you stick to your principles teaches her to be resilient. Rather than cave into parenting in a way that isn’t you, setting this kind of example will probably do more for her confidence.

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