Beyoncé Taught Us Not to Talk About Kids’ Hair

In the age of the internet, discussions surrounding the hair of Black children are widespread and often uninvited. Taking a page from Beyoncé, who notably taught us ‘Not to Talk About Kids’ Hair,’ we can learn to resist and challenge these unjustified remarks.

Someone commented in one of my most recent posts, “Take care of that child’s hair.” Their statements irritated me. I had just released a video of my almost two-year-old daughter dancing as a proud mother. She was ecstatic, grinning, laughing, and dancing to a tune from one of her favorite television series. Their remark felt like an assault on her happiness by criticizing her attractiveness.

I could have brushed off their sentiments as “sticks and stones,” especially because there is an underlying assumption that social media users are “accustomed to” posting offensive comments. As an assertive Black woman who is able to defend herself, I am accustomed to hearing nasty remarks about me. I can always block the commenter if I’m not in the mood to engage. Nevertheless, none of those statements apply to my child. Criticizing a young child is distinct. My toddler has a lovely, full head of healthy coils and curls that is periodically groomed, but is left out most of the time. Her hair does not conform to the standards of decency that constrain Black people. Instead, it is independent and doing its own thing, similar to the independent Black girl I am rearing.

I said, “Her hair is well-maintained.” It is healthy, she is a baby, and it is acceptable that her hair is not always “done.” Stop acting strangely on the Internet.” Then I recognized that this comment presents a chance to tackle a wider cultural issue: We need to stop being “strange” about Black children’s hair online and in person. The complaints or “weirdness” regarding the hair of Black children are pervasive, particularly online, yet it is rarely mentioned before making unsolicited comments about a Black child’s hair.

Black hair has traditionally been policed for control purposes.

Historically, folks outside of Black culture considered black hair offensive. Black hair was frequently considered unclean, disheveled, and unruly, something that needed to be tamed or removed. Many enslaved Africans had their hair shaved by their captors before being transported across the rough and terrifying Atlantic.

This was an attempt to strip them of their individuality and humanity. They realized that making Black people feel embarrassed of their appearance was a powerful way of control. Even legislation, such as the “Tignon Laws” of pre-Civil War Louisiana, compelled enslaved and free Black women to hide their lovely coils and curls with head wraps.

The criticism and abuse that Black people received regarding their hair had a lasting effect. It evolved into an assumption that “civilized” or “successful” African-Americans would have straight, frequently untidy hair. Unfortunately, many Black people also acquired this expectation.

Children of color are especially vulnerable.

According to the website for The Crown Act, legislation that would protect Black people from hair discrimination, one in two children suffer hair discrimination by the age of five. But we know that this began considerably earlier. Most of us recall the deluge of comments written on pictures of Blue Ivy, Beyonce’s gorgeous toddler who, like many toddlers, did not always have her hair done. This fact made too many others comfortable criticizing and frequently denigrating this child’s appearance. The blatant judgment from adults on the appearance of a very young child was unsettling.

One woman even created a change.org petition titled “Comb Her Hair,” which has since been removed. The petition attracted thousands of signatures and asserted that Beyoncé and Jay-Z have neglected to “fully care” for their daughter’s hair.

“It is upsetting to observe a child suffering from dry hair. Blue Ivy’s parents, Sean Carter, a.k.a. Jay Z, and Beyoncé, have repeatedly failed at styling Blue Ivy’s hair,” she wrote. “This issue has developed to the point where the youngster now has matted dreads and lint balls. Please spread the news about proper care for Blue Ivy hair.”

The Knowles-Carter family had the final laugh when we watched Blue Ivy standing with her fists on her hips with a halo of thick, healthy curls and coils framing her face in her mother’s “Formation” music video while her mother sang, “I prefer my baby heir with baby hair and afros.”

Nonetheless, that should not have occurred.

These messages regarding our hair might cause long-lasting pain.

Too many of us were traumatized by our haircuts as children. We recall being labeled soft-headed and then being threatened with punishment if we complained, even if we were in agony. Still, many of us recoil at the sight of a heated comb.

Others were raised with the notion that natural hair is improper for certain occasions. We were aware that school photographs, church, performances, and family gatherings were inappropriate occasions for natural hair. In some instances, we discovered that wearing hair was never acceptable.

In the 1940s, “The Doll Test” was one of the first studies to establish how claims that lighter skin and looser hair better affect children of all races and hurt the self-image of Black children. This persists now.

The appearance of black people should not be open to public criticism, especially among children.

Considering the aforementioned concerns, our community should be more considerate of our children’s hair. Nonetheless, there have been too many instances in which the hairstyles of Black children have been ridiculed or disputed. Many parents find it unsettling when they see a Black child with a head of unattended hair.

Possibly because free coils inhibit respectable politics. Perhaps it is because it defies the expectations that every hair on a child’s head be controlled. Maybe it could be an internal bias that causes many individuals to wince when they see coiled or curled hair as opposed to straight hair. Before remarking on a child’s appearance, individuals must perform the effort necessary to identify the root of their trauma and detach from it.

We have the ability to alter our hair heritage.

Do we wish to perpetuate centuries of discrimination and years of our own trauma? Or do we wish to liberate future generations from this painful inheritance? Our children have the right to exist without internal bias or judgment.

I want my daughter to enjoy her hair’s texture and find delight in it. I affirm my daughter’s natural hair just like Beyoncé affirmed her daughter’s natural hair. I prefer my child’s hair as it is. I affirm that it is a part of her, of her being. I see no reason to compel her or her hair to conform to rigorous, demanding, and, if we’re honest, discriminatory standards for Black hair. I continue to gently style or not style my baby girl’s hair, knowing we can do either.

I want my daughter to enjoy her hair’s texture and find delight in it. I affirm my daughter’s natural hair just like Beyoncé affirmed her daughter’s natural hair. I prefer my child’s hair as it is. I affirm that it is a part of her, of her being. I see no reason to compel her or her hair to conform to rigorous, demanding, and, if we’re honest, discriminatory standards for Black hair. I continue to gently style or not style my baby girl’s hair, knowing we can do either.

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