What To Do If You Caught Your Teen Masturbating

As parents, it’s normal to feel caught off guard and unsure of how to react if we ever catch our teen masturbating, but understanding what to do in this situation is important for maintaining a healthy and open relationship with our children.

Raising children with healthy sexual attitudes and practices is essential to achieving the broader objective of raising healthy, well-adjusted children. So, after recovering from the unpleasant incident, there are many reasons to embrace discomfort!

Why Experience Discomfort?

American parents are notoriously reticent when it comes to discussing sexuality with their children, and research indicates that this is detrimental to their children’s development. Avoiding sexual topics does not lead to abstinence but rather increases the likelihood of engaging in riskier sexual conduct at younger ages.

In fact, according to a 2012 survey, 87 percent of adolescents felt it would have been easier to delay sexual activity and avoid pregnancy if they had been able to discuss sex more freely and honestly with their parents. Adolescents indicate that their parents have the most influence on their sexual decisions, contrary to what many may believe.

Also, we live in a culture with unparalleled availability of sexual information, the majority of which comes from sources we would not choose for educating our children. Is it preferable for my child to learn about sex and sexuality from YouTube or from me? Imagining the future and working back to the present is also useful. Consider how you want your child to experience sex as an adult; I think you want them to have healthy sexual interactions based on consent, respect, and self-respect. I do not know a single parent that appreciates the American culture’s contributions in this area. If we are not present, there will be a significant void of unhealthy messages.

How to Address Masturbation

After discovering your child masturbating, it is acceptable not to broach the subject immediately; both of you are ashamed and need time to recuperate. After apologizing for entering your daughter’s room without knocking, however, you can use this as an opportunity to discuss a significant aspect of maturation that will affect her as an adult. (Everyone has learned a privacy lesson!)

After you’ve calmed yourself down in solitude or with a friend or partner, approach your child as a relaxed parent who can handle the topic. This tone encourages openness and comfort when discussing not only masturbation but all sex-related topics. Note that this opportunity to discuss masturbation is just one stop on the sex-discussion train! This implies that how you interact with your child in relation to this situation is at least as important as what you say.

If your adolescent is anything like every other adolescent I know, they will become humiliated and desire to roll away if you openly address masturbation. You know your child best, so consider how to approach the subject in a way that respects their comfort level. If they are going to be embarrassed by a deep, direct conversation, they will likely not process anything you say regardless. Consider the highlights you wish to convey and keep your communication concise and casual until they express an interest in a more in-depth discussion.

Professional Advice for Discussing Masturbation

• Affirm that it is normal and healthy. It is acceptable and beneficial to make oneself feel wonderful in this manner.
• Pleasure is an essential component of sex. This is a very important lesson for girls! “It’s beneficial to know what gives you pleasure. Your happiness is as crucial as that of any potential relationship.”
• No reason to feel ashamed. “There is nothing improper about touching yourself for pleasure. That is private, but the majority of people do it.”

For younger children investigating masturbation, explaining that the behavior should only occur in private and never in public may be necessary. Normally developing adolescents have the cognitive capacity to distinguish between private and public activity; adolescents with developmental delays may require supervision.

Body Autonomy Advantages

As you go through your reaction to watching your child as a sexual being, it may be helpful to consider the benefits of masturbation for adolescents. Knowing what brings them pleasure provides them with a sense of control over their body. This autonomy of the body is crucial for future sexual health. Since sexual sensations are as normal and natural as any other aspect of a child’s development, masturbation is the best way to express and explore these feelings without the risk of sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy.

The Sexual Discussions

I don’t know where you are in the progression of sex discussions with your adolescent, but it’s not as simple as “one birds-and-bees discussion, and you’re done.” Every aspect of sex and sexuality necessitates many conversations throughout the course of your child’s development, with subjects and specifics altering as they evolve. I urge that every family invest in a book library to facilitate intergenerational dialogue. The popular Robie Harris trilogy (It’s Not the Stork, It’s Perfectly Normal, and It’s So Wonderful) moves through age groups with developmentally appropriate content. Looking through a book with your 8-year-old allows him to ask questions regarding his areas of interest, which may or may not include masturbating.

Conclusion

It is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting, made more so by the overall sex taboo prevalent in many countries. We may be nice to ourselves as we take the time and space to respond intelligently, keeping in mind our larger goals for our children to develop into sexually responsible, content, and healthy individuals.

Meaningful articles you might like: Assisting Your Teen In Becoming An Adult, Preventing Teen Smoking: The Risks & Effects, Establishing Boundaries For Teen Behavior